Just 'Cause

You don't have to read my blog. I can't really do this anymore, just don't have the time and I'm bored with the internets.

Gonna post this, in a foul mood.

It Begins

Here we go, day one of sobriety. I'm sick, hungover, and sweating. I'm going to document how I make this change with hopes that maybe someone will make use of it. Or Hell, it doesn't even have to be about alcohol, maybe this will inspire any kind of change that you want to make in yourself.

Here are some reasons why I'm doing this.

1) There's serious history of alcoholism in my family on both sides. All the uncles on my mom's side have succumbed and passed on. It scares me.

2) My father is a drinker. I really don't want to be anything like him. Not to bash him, but he lives in a crappy apartment in the ghetto with his new family. I am certain he would be living better if he didn't use so much cash on beer and cigarettes. Don't get me wrong, he's not a big douche or anything. He's just kinda dumb.

3) I have done so much stupid shit while drunk, not all of them fun. The other night I hung out with people I had no business hanging out with (you know, gangster types). I don't want to be like them. It was stupid.

4) For whatever reasons, genetic or psychological, I just get so depressed after a night of drinking. It's very painful. I have this deep pain in my chest. It feels like my soul is aching. I don't know how to explain it.

5) I have a dream of completing the Ironman Triathlon someday. I can't really get in shape for it if I'm hungover all the time.

Now, of course there are a shit-ton of strategies and ways to go about changing yourself. I've quit on my own before but I want to try some of these other ways.

One of my biggest strategies is to not think about drinking. I also focus on not focusing on not drinking (haha). Because if you focus on not doing something, you're still focusing on it, using up your energy. So, when I start thinking like that I will probably call a friend or something, maybe even exercise. I will also have a therapist to speak too, should be nice.

Lot of what this guy says makes sense to me. I'm probably going to make small changes at first to get the ball rolling and get confidence.

Here's a couple things I thought of:

• I will probably delete crappy photos I have on FaceBook. I should try to look my best, even on the internet.
• I'm going to write more goals and stuff that I want to do.
• I will stop thinking about the girl I love. I'm not angry at her or anything, just angry at the circumstances. It hurts and it doesn't make me feel confident at all when I think of her. I will start thinking of the girls available, get to know them more.

That's it for now. Thank you all again for the support.

I am an alcohol and it's destroying my family.

The best way I have heard alcoholism described is that it's an allergy. Once I drink, I change and have trouble stopping. Fucking sucks too because I like to drink.

I'm gonna try the sober thing again, though. This also fucking sucks because I pretty much need to stay away from my drinking friends.

It's so annoying that other people can drink and be okay. My dumb ass acts all stupid and then gets depressed.

Anyhow, thanks for reading. I appreciate it. Gonna hit up your blogs soon. They better not suck!

To Hell with the movie, this damn song alone deserves a Nobel Prize!

You Have Failed Me

I didn't ask to be born.

I didn't ask for any of this.

But I understand. I am here. I can accept the responsibility of this life.

What I can't accept is your weakness. You deserve better. You always will.

I'm tired of it all.

I will be strong. It has been requested of me.

I'm not trying to bring anyone down. But we seem to be failing, every day and I don't like it.

I'm done with it.

I can accept this responsibility. I was born. I am here. I'm not going to let anything happen to you anymore. I'm going to teach you how to control it all. You're here too. You're like me. And I care about you.

I love you.

We have failed for a while now. I think we should move on. We deserve better. The next people deserve better.

Sam the Turtle

My girlfriend bought me a baby turtle for my birthday one year. He was beautiful, with the biggest round eyes and the cutest little beak. I named him Sam.

We lived together for many years, until my girlfriend broke up with me. It was a terrible split.

I couldn't stand to look at Sam anymore. He only reminded me of her. I decided that I would set him free. I drove to the beach and let him out. I was sure he would love it.

But as soon as I drove away, he began crawling to our home, which was 60 miles away!

He crawled through rain, snow, and blistering heat. He fought off many predators. He even had to inhale the pollution of cars.

Many days later, he arrived at my house. Onto the porch he climbed and I heard him knock.

I opened the door and was completely surprised. There was my turtle, beaten and broken.

I leaned in closer to hear him.

Exhausted and writhing in pain, he gasped, "I can't believe you've done this. You were my only friend."

And I stared down at him and said, "You never meant anything to me."

With tears in his eyes, he died in agony and I threw him in the dumpster.

-The End-

I will probably turn this into a (punk) folk song. Just gotta buy a banjo.

My Favorite Anime/Manga Series: Berserk

Now, I don't like much Anime. I find the stories to be just a little too ridiculous a lot of times. I mean, a 17-year-old with huge boobies fighting demons and such? Come on!

In fact, Berserk's story started out simple enough as well, but seems to be a little bat-shit crazy now. However, I think it deserves this honor for keeping my interest for as long as it has. Who knows why? It's probably because of the intense/demented gore and dark themes.

The whole thing is about a guy with a giant sword that would put Cloud Strife's to shame. He also has an anger problem (but I'm glad they decided not to call it "Big Sword, Anger Man"). It goes through his young life as a soldier, then all Hell breaks loose later as demons are released onto the Earth. And they mean business.

Unfortunately, the Anime wasn't popular enough and they stopped making them, but I think the Manga is still going (haven't caught up). There was even a game out for the Sega Dreamcast I believe.

I hope you like it. Should be easy enough to find on the internet, being a cult classic and all.

P.S. Got a girl's number from FaceBook. Thanks for all your support on that last post! :)

Artist of the Week: Right Away, Great Captain!

Finally, thank goodness, I've been keeping this guy a secret for too long.

I don't really feel good either. I told a girl that I've been friends with for more than 10 years that I won't do it anymore. We should be together - simple as that.I could love her more than anyone.

Go ahead and rush to her aid, white knights. But, I am not Beta.

"Let me love you."

How hard is that?

I miss her so much, but this is my stance.