Thursday, February 10, 2011

Sam the Turtle

My girlfriend bought me a baby turtle for my birthday one year. He was beautiful, with the biggest round eyes and the cutest little beak. I named him Sam.

We lived together for many years, until my girlfriend broke up with me. It was a terrible split.

I couldn't stand to look at Sam anymore. He only reminded me of her. I decided that I would set him free. I drove to the beach and let him out. I was sure he would love it.

But as soon as I drove away, he began crawling to our home, which was 60 miles away!

He crawled through rain, snow, and blistering heat. He fought off many predators. He even had to inhale the pollution of cars.

Many days later, he arrived at my house. Onto the porch he climbed and I heard him knock.

I opened the door and was completely surprised. There was my turtle, beaten and broken.

I leaned in closer to hear him.

Exhausted and writhing in pain, he gasped, "I can't believe you've done this. You were my only friend."

And I stared down at him and said, "You never meant anything to me."

With tears in his eyes, he died in agony and I threw him in the dumpster.

-The End-

I will probably turn this into a (punk) folk song. Just gotta buy a banjo.


  1. What a depressing story! I like it.

  2. I'd love to have a turtle as a pet.

  3. that was really sad. The gifts people give us remind us of them. and sad memories, they hurt the most.

  4. awesome. Should have turned him into a stew or something. Make nic-naks from his shell. Waste not want not.

  5. do a cannibal holocaust remake of that scene where they open up the live turtle (close enough) in your backyard.

  6. Yeah man, that would make an awesome punk song. The turtle and you are a metaphor for the government or something.

  7. Totally heard banjos playing when I read this!